We have entered a very holy season in the Christian South. The weeks between Mother's Day and Father's Day have come to occupy a semi-sacred status. It is not just about motherhood and fatherhood. Churches use the season to celebrate and promote a vision of the ideal family. This idyllic image of family features Dad at work, Mom at home, and children playing blissfully around the hearth. 

In spite of numerous examples to the contrary, this family type is presented as the biblical norm, and therefore carries with it the weight of divine expectation. Consequently, many people in our culture view this family type as the standard by which to measure the validity of all families. As is often the case with ideals, reality is a bit different. Family in this country is a patchwork of relationships among people striving to accomplish the goals of family life with varying family structures. 

The landscape is complex. For instance, over twenty-three percent of family households with children under eighteen are cared for by single parents. Over two million of these are single fathers. According to one source, one out of every two children will live in a single parent family at some point during childhood. Additionally, more than half of all Americans have been or currently are living in some sort of step-family arrangement. One in twenty-four children lives with neither parent. Of these, an estimated 547,000 children under the age of eighteen were in foster care in 1995. About six percent of all children (4.1 million) are living in households with one or both grandparents. 

People of faith are here confronted with a struggle between the ideal and the real. On the one hand is the so-called biblical norm. If the ideal family is what God expects, then anything less is sinful. On the other hand are these non-traditional families working hard and trying to raise their children. These families could use a little encouragement and support. Being told by the faithful that their families do not quite measure up is not very helpful. 

It seems unwise and unfair to diminish the validity of families that actually report a good bit of success doing what families need to do. In fact, our failure to affirm the legitimacy of non-traditional family structures hinders them by creating unnecessary and often destructive social stigmas that add to their burdens. Besides, do we really diminish the ideal family if we acknowledge that single parent families, divorced families, and step-families are also capable of functioning as legitimate families? 

Jesus had an interesting take on all this. During one of his many home Bible studies, Jesus' mother and brothers arrive wanting to talk to him. Learning that his family is outside waiting for him Jesus says, "Who is my mother, or my brothers or sisters? They that do the will of my Father are my mother, and my brothers and my sisters." Whatever else Jesus meant by this, he certainly affirmed the possibility that family may happen in instances other than the "ideal." 

As we journey through this dubious holy season, let's try to remember that. If we can, we may yet find a way to affirm those families that work hard everyday to be faithful and effective. 

-- James L. Evans is pastor of Crosscreek Baptist Church in Pelham, AL. He can be contacted via e-mail at pastor@crosscreekbaptist.org.